Written by Kylee's Mom, Kim Fields
This is the first time I've ever written Kylee's story. The first time it will ever be heard. I know she is my angel keeper and watches over our family. She is loved as much as they day I found out I was pregnant with her. She is our Angel.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. This year, February 3rd marks Kylee's 11th birthday. Kylee's dad, David, was active duty in the Navy at the time and I was a working mom as well as a mother of 3 older boys. September we did a pregnancy test and it was positive! I made my first doctor appointment with my favorite OB, Dr. Henderson. It was the day of my appointment, I could feel butterflies in my tummy from you kicking and twirling around in your home... me. I had felt so close to her for months but today was the day I got to find out how far along I was. I was just shy of 4 months. I remember my blood pressure was very high and Pre-eclampsia had already set in. I didn't care. I was a fighter and I knew you were a fighter being blessed as my daughter.
It was a girl! It was all I had ever wanted. I was in tears that first appointment. The bad news about me didn't matter. What mattered was your health. I was fragile, morning sickness was constant and I always craved sweets. You were my little sweet tooth. My second appointment came around 2 weeks later (at that time and the rest of the pregnancy I was so high risk I had to be seen every 2 weeks]. My health was looking gloomy and that was the moment Dr Henderson said I need to refer you to pregnancy specialists at the University of Washington. My first appointment was made.
It was my day to visit the university, and they got right on top of taking lots of tests on myself and my angel. It seemed like a whirlwind. I got to see lots of pictures of you and my heart just melted. I was so in love. They decided I needed to have medications and a procedure done called a placental blood circulation. It was uncomfortable and painful for me, but I was assured it wouldn't hurt my baby. I had four procedures done over the weeks and the medication they put me on was making me feel awful. My fifth appointment at the university the doctor did his testing then asked to put me in a room. I told him I can't stay long because I have other kids and they are about to get out of school. He understood and told me we needed to have a serious talk. I needed to consider an abortion. A WHAT??!! I said "No, I'm too far along." He explained it is a special procedure in which I would give birth but she would be wrapped in seaweed as she is delivered and it would be considered a stillbirth (yes, you read that right). I told him absolutely NOT. I will go as far as I can in the pregnancy. I never returned back to the university again. I was disgusted, offended, and didn't understand why they wanted me to kill my daughter.
Fast forward to February 2,2007. I still saw my regular OB in Seattle, I went in for my weekly appointment and checked if I was dilating. I was not. The doctor made no indications that something was wrong. I heard her heartbeat and it was strong. She just wasn't growing like she should be which would mean time in the NICU. February 3rd is here, It's my birthday and I get a call from the doctor saying we need to get admitted ASAP. Kylee's dad and I were confused, What changed from yesterday? When we got to the hospital they immediately got an ultrasound machine and her heartbeat was barely there. It was time to induce quickly.
Kylee Kay Miller was born February 3, 2007 weighing 3 pounds 5 ounces and was 18 inches long. She passed just after she was born so she was considered deceased February 4, 2007.
We didn't get any answers as to why this happened. They brought her into our room wrapped up. She was stone cold. Not crying for her parents or making any noise. Her dad and I both held her, cried together and alone. Her Aunt Nikki came and held her and said her goodbyes as well as a couple of our co workers. It was and has been a painful day for the last 11 years. I long to touch her, hold her, see all her accomplishments she would have made over the last 11 years. Over the years I have come to terms with what happened, why it happened and it has left a hole in my heart.
We love you Kylee and I hope our story can help any other family that has gone through or is currently grieving the loss of their baby.
A Poem for Kylee
These words of love are for you, Our beautiful little daughter who never had a chance to bloom in this life.
You were a seed that grew in my womb, That never let the sun spread your joy to a world of our love for you.
We miss your life with us but will always have our own quiet and peaceful memories of you as you lay still. Your father and I, our spirit at that moment blessing your small being with all of our hearts.
Kylee Kay we will love you always,
Please let your own spirit be free and full, Knowing that someday in heaven all our spirits will shine in the sun together, and our grief will be no more.